At his suburban Fort Collins home, area resident Larry Mason drops his jaw as he checks his mail. Opening an envelope indicating an ‘Insufficient Funds’ notice he says “What? (…) How did that happen?” While an insufficient funds notification is nothing particularly new, what makes this matter noteworthy is where the check came from and who wrote it.
The check in question was a stimulus check. It was emitted by no less than the United States Treasury with the name Donald J. Trump somewhere on the bottom left. “What the…? How can that even happen? How’s that even work? It don’t get no lower than that! I ain’t paying no $12 fee. No way, Jose!”
Mr. Mason is not alone in getting bouncy checks from the Unites States Treasury. Alejandro Medina, also of Fort Collins got one too. “I got an ISF notification from my bank online. When I looked, it was the stimulus check! What da fuck?!”
Your reporter took a deeper look into this matter, by doing what Bob Woodward did back in 1973-74. The Focopolitan Tribune ‘followed the money.’ To our utter astonishment, we have concluded that our government spends more money than it takes in! So we called the United States Treasury in Washington, DC, and this is what a phone bank secretary told us, “What? We sent y’all a bounced check? Oopsie daisy! Let me call Karen in accounting and she can get this sorted out.”
Something tells us that things will be just fine… especially since there’s the name of a guy on those checks who’s been bankrupt no less than six times!