After repeated cancellations, delays and enough insipid excuses to make the board look like a bi-polar girlfriend who lost her lithium, yet another meeting for community input on the new Montava housing development is scheduled. Given the controversy that the proposed new housing development has caused, meeting planners are taking no chances.
“We’re pulling out all the stops,” Ben Dover, project spokesman told Focopolitan Tribune reporters, “to show that the safety of everyone attending the meeting is paramount. So no, we are not going overboard. In fact, we might just be underestimating things.”
So what does pulling out all the stops mean? A task force of riot police from the city of Fort Collins and Loveland, Larimer and Weld counties, and the state police will be setting up the event. “I talked to governor Polis, and he’ll be putting the National Guard on alert, so they’ll be in the barracks, until such time as they’re needed. These Country Club Road residents are royally pissed.”
To recap: the Montava development seeks to develop some 900 acres of agricultural land near the Budweiser plant. This will cause massively increased traffic in Ft. Collins’ Northeast corridor. Meetings over this matter have gone from Methodist post-sermon coffee and fellowship to Jerry Springer-like behavior over the space of mere months.
A resident of Country Club Road, Celeste Krieger, spoke with your reporters about the development. “I paid $950,000 dollars for my little 3500-square foot shack and I can barely leave my driveway as it is! Now you want to build more stuff and house poor people where they have to drive their hoopties past our houses? I’ll have to use my husband’s helicopter to leave the house; that’s not fair when all I want to use is the Rolls!” she wept. “This is war! We’re on!”
With more people moving to FoCo and housing as tight as it is, we find it self evident that building more housing, particularly for our lower income residents is paramount. That said, the interests of the residents of Country Club Road must be heard and taken into consideration. After all, they were there first. We call upon citizens’ civility, but just for caution’s sake, if you don’t live in the are, avoid these meetings like you would avoid a riot.