This Thursday, November 22nd, we at the Focopolitan Tribune noticed an utterly bizarre cult-like ritual. A multi-generational agglomeration of an area kin-group assembled between four walls, exchanged greetings and pleasantries and roasted a dead bird. After roasting said bird, the human kin-group held hands. Soon after, an elder spoke utterances to a sky-daddy, requesting divine benediction upon the dead avian. The elder subsequently cut into the bird, probably of the species meleagris gallopavo. After the ritual incision of the bird’s fleshy breast, the kin group started literally to devour the beast together with sour-tasting, but edible small fruits.
What followed was a welter of feasting, with people gorging themselves on avian meat, the small sour fruits, heavy sauce and mashed potatoes. After picking the bird literally to the bone much like vultures on a wildebeest carcass on a vintage Wild Discovery episode, the kin group devoured a reduction of a sugary orange-colored gourd baked over a thin layer of buttered flour. After the bizarre communal feasting, some members of the kin-group swore non-binding weight-loss oaths.
Concluding the parade of oddity, the assembled went on to refer to the following day as “Black Friday” and began discussing plans that reeked nefariously of a corporate capitalist takeover OF THE ENTIRE COUNTRY!!