Boulder Travel Agency Offers Poverty Tours for High Roller Front Range Crowd

in Arts and Entertainment/Business and Economics by

Northern Colorado residents are some of the most worldly in America.  We Nocopolitans have seen it all and heard it all.  We’ve had it with Cancun and Cabo.  Jackson Hole and Aspen are practically our back yard.  Yellowstone and Yosemite are the epitome of pedestrain.  What possibly could top these experiences for our Left-of-center, environmental, altruistic sensibilities?

Enter Boulder’s niche touring agency: PPV Tours.  “The PPV stands for poor people viewing.  It’s really a thing.  Don’t believe me?  Just look at your liberal friends online and you’re bound to see pictures of them posing in photos next to little brown and black kids with that cute, little UNICEF look.  Moral of the story: poor people are exotic and interesting- kind of like animals on safari, and that’s what the monied liberal crowd want.  Let’s not forget this: the customer is always right.”  So said Miranda Mitchell, co-owner and operator of PPV Tours.  “They say that they want to ‘volunteer’ at some school or AIDS orphanage in Africa, but they just want to go there, look at what a wreck of a place they’re visiting, and feel like they’re doing something good for their fellow man, when in reality, they’re just objectifying their poverty.  After that, they come back home and have a story to tell and pictures to show other liberal jackwads, so that they can one-up them on who’s the most socially conscious, liberal snowflake at the drum-circle.”  she paused, “Just think of it as a Progressive version of ‘Keeping up with the Joneses.'”

PPV offers tours to Guatemala, Honduras and Nicaragua, since Mexico, Costa Rica and Panama are just too prosperous to illicit sympathy from travelers.  PPV also offers the Hassa diga Ibo ai tour of Uganda in conjunction with missionary organizations posted to the central African nation.

Asked what is the most challenging aspect of organizing the tours, Ms. Mitchell commented, “By far, finding an internet connection in the rural boonies of Uganda or Central America that our tourists can access Facebook and Instagram on.”  Taken aback by this fetishistic view of poor people, reporter Ludwig Schnee asked Ms. Mitchell more about her clientele to which she answered with unusual candor, “My tourists don’t like the poor- they like poverty.  There is a difference.”

Ludwig Schnee is the illegitimate grandson of Adalbert 'Adi' Schnee, the World War II submariner who won the Knights Cross with Oak Leaves for his gallantry as a U-Boat commander. Born in June of 1976, Schnee has lived in Fort Collins since the early 1990s and is the quintessential Focopolitan.

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