With the recent addition of an American Airlines flight connecting the po-dunk city of Cheyenne, Wyoming to its major hub in Dallas, Texas, and thereon to anywhere around the world, Focopolitans and Lovelanders have a good reason for being butt-hurt. How could a second-rate community like Cheyenne get a flight to someplace worth going to, while Northern Colorado Regional Airport (NCRAP) gets only occasional flights to Vegas, Phoenix or the obscure Illinois town of Rockford?
Enter new arrival Armando Torres. A recent immigrant from Sinaloa, Mexico, Armando has massive experience in the fields of logistics and airstrip management. “I have worked for more than 20 years managing private airfields. Whether it’s a jungle in Colombia or a desert in Northern Mexico, when it comes to managing air traffic, cargo and airstrips, I’m an expert! I used to manage a whole fleet of single-engined, propeller-driven cargo planes until the police came and took my previous employers to jail.” He went on, “You guys here at NCRAP have a lot to work with: I mean, you guys actually have hangars and a PAVED RUNWAY! That’s way more advanced than anything I’ve ever dealt with, and I moved stuff- I mean, a few dozen Cesnas a day for years, hombre!”
While NCRAP serves the Fort Collins-Loveland area and has in the past hosted flights by carriers such as Allegiant Air, it currently has no commercial flights to anywhere. The reason given by the airlines is that the airport does not have a control tower. But for Señor Torres, that is no impediment. “No worries, esse! Tell those cabrones at the FAA [Federal Aviation Administration] that I’ll jack up a cherry-picker as high as it goes, and that’s enough. I’ll pay for it in cash- greenbacks. You think I ever worked with a control tower back in Colombia? In other words, as we say, ‘La garantia soy yo.’ The warranty is me. We can get a flight started to Culiacan [Mexico] in no time flat!” When we asked Sr. Torres about safety, he didn’t miss a beat, “No problem. I’ll just tether myself with a sky hook.”
With such a spectacular resume, officials are loath to let Señor Torres get away. “This could solve all of the issues that we’re having in getting flights from the airport, no matter the destination,” proclaimed an anonymous airport official. “Plus, he’s willing to take on maintenance of the cherry-picker too! It’s a grand deal. The only concern I have is safety. Mr. Torres admits to only a few mishaps, but his record-keeping is… let us say, a little South of the border. Even so, nobody’s perfect, right?”
Mr. Torres and NCRAP have submitted plans to the Federal Aviation Administration. Final approval is pending and a ruling expected this January.