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Laporte – Standing outside his area of business, Jim Swift, franchise owner of the local McDonald’s, spoke to representatives of the neighboring city of Fort Collins Sanctuary Restaurant movement.

This movement is an offshoot of the Sanctuary Cities movement. Sanctuary Cities decline from co-operating with Federal law enforcement about turning over people who have violated immigration laws, for deportation. Sanctuary restaurants, on the other hand, claim to seat and serve all people who come through their doors, regardless of their race, ethnic background, skin color, gender or legal status in our country, pretty much like what every restaurant does everywhere in the world.

“I’m confused,” he stated as the representatives drove off in their Chevy Volt.

Speaking frankly to the reporters of the FoCoPolitan Tribune Mr. Swift expressed his surprise that there was such a thing as a movement for something so trivial. “Do they not understand the basic tenets of capitalism?”

“I get the city aspect of this movement since they have the power to back it up, but restaurants? Hell, just from what they were saying, McDonald’s has been a ‘sanctuary restaurant’ from the get-go. Shit, any restaurant by its very nature is defined as part of this movement. I serve people things; things they want. And you should see and smell some of these people; hello, maybe don’t smoke that ton of weed and try showering every now-and-then but, do I turn them away? Hell no! Why would I? All we care about is that they buy something, anything, even if it’s just a juice box.”

To illustrate his point, Mr. Swift ducked back into his franchise and emerged with a box of Chicken Nuggets. “I have food and you have money. You want food and I need money. Voila; you gave me your money and I gave you food. Damn, man, it’s not like its calculus.”

“But now I have some wimpy-assed young kid coming in here trying to tell me to join a movement that seeks to espouse exactly why I bought a franchise in the first place? You need to pull your head out of your marijuana-infused ass and quit drinking the Kool-Aid and actually work and then, THEN you might understand why this shit only works to make lazy, rich liberals feel good about themselves!”

“It’s not for the businesses, it’s for you; you fucking snowflakes! Morally masturbating yourselves instead of actually doing something; surprise, makes you feel better but doesn’t solve anything, does it? This ain’t Mississippi in the 1950s! This is twenty-first century Colorado! The fact that this has to be even said is a sad state of affairs for peoples’ understanding of how shit works! You getting all this?”

Swift went on to state, “Jesus Christ clean the cobwebs from your brain with those dreadlocks and wake up to reality. You can’t make a living from discriminating against people who want to pay you money. So you’re not morally superior with your damn sanctuary thing-y, just fucking ignorant of basic economics.”

He quieted for a moment. “Damn, really just damn. Sorry for the verbal dumping; it’s a soapbox thing of mine. Hope you got it all; I gotta get back to work now.  I’ve got people to feed.”