Conservative Safe Space Includes Screens of Fox News, Bibles

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Jolene and Chuck Schaeffer have had it with the increasingly liberal culture that literally surrounds them.  The couple lives in the conservative enclave of Loveland, which is adjacent to the dyed-in-the-wool blue areas of Boulder to the south and Fort Collins to the north.  Ever since the 2010 re-drawing of congressional district lines by the Colorado State House of Representatives, the couple has felt a deep sense of disenfranchisement.  “We’re now lumped into Colorado’s 2nd District and stuck with Jared Polis or whatever other Boulder liberal the commie-loving Democratic Party can come up with,” laments Jolene.  “All that has disempowered us and our neighbors and invalidated all that we believe in and stand for.”  According to Chuck, over the last seven years, Northern Colorado conservatives have gradually become traumatized at having their opinions, experiences and feelings repeatedly invalidated by secularists, gun-control advocates, vegetarians, vegans, pushy racial minorities, hybrid drivers, LGBTQs, their advocates and other types liberals in general.

Walking past a mounted deer head and a big-screen TV blaring Fox News, guests find comfort and succor in Guns and Ammo magazine and The Nation.  Copies of the Holy Bible and the US Constitution, with the 2nd Amendment highlighted, are readily available.  Visitors here enjoy a warm, home-cooked meal prepared by Jolene herself.  “We love it!” says Bill Sullivan, a frequent guest and recent resident from Arkansas, “Jolene makes the best hamburger-and-french-fries ever!  And on Sundays, after church, we even get barbecue.”  Bill expanded, “But not that soul-brother stuff that goes with fried chicken and corn bread.”  Jolene interjected, “No, not at all, that’s a trigger for some of us here.  I have to be careful of what I serve for dessert too- like watermelon- that’s worse than saying ‘vegan’ for some folks here.”  On top of that, occasional activities such as carpentry, drywalling and auto mechanics, of non-hybrid vehicles of course, occupy guests’ time. For the occasional conservative woman, looking for a soothing activity, Mrs. Schaeffer even teaches cooking from scratch and sewing on an old-fashioned pedal-operated sewing machine.

The home has become popular amongst conservative baby boomers and their younger, but still adult, counterparts. “We don’t have many teenagers or young adults here yet,” explained Jolene. “They’ll find us eventually when they get out into the world and realize that there aren’t many places for them.”

“This is a place where men can be men, and women can be women; none of this 31-flavor gender nonsense.”  Sullivan went on, “Yup, who’d a thunk it?  There’s still a place in the Front Range outside of the Springs where people can talk guns, church, the Constitution, Jesus and ‘Merica IN ENGLISH, without fear of being marginalized, invalidated or have their feelings trampled on.”

The couple hopes that their dedication to their values and success at creating a safe space will encourage others to do the same. “Even when you’re surrounded by liberal nitwits there are people like us who need a space to be who they are and if you create it, there will be people who will use it!” exclaimed Chuck.

 

Ludwig Schnee is the illegitimate grandson of Adalbert 'Adi' Schnee, the World War II submariner who won the Knights Cross with Oak Leaves for his gallantry as a U-Boat commander. Born in June of 1976, Schnee has lived in Fort Collins since the early 1990s and is the quintessential Focopolitan.

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